About the Episode
Hey! I hope you're doing well. Or the best you can! That's all we can ask of ourselves and others. This week's episode focuses on personal boundaries in the context of COVID-19. I talk about the importance of boundaries, and potentially re-evaluating our boundaries now that the landscape of our lives looks so different. I also touch on how to balance staying connected during COVID-19 while respecting your own/others' boundaries.
Links: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Anchor.
Resources
Podcast Transcript
Hey, it's me, Sarah and you're listening to the Bloom as You Grow podcast.
I'm back and you're back. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Hope you're doing well. I'm really excited to record today's episode because it was actually a suggestion from a loyal listener and overall lovely human being named Ben. So, Ben, if you're listening to this, hey, and also thank you so much.
Ben suggested that I talk about balancing staying connected during COVID while respecting your own/other's boundaries. So, what I'm going to do is I'm going to talk about boundaries as they relate to COVID a bit more broadly, because that was something I was also really interested in when I was doing my show notes on this episode, and then I'll zero in on remaining connected in particular.
So, when I first saw this topic, I almost wanted to laugh. Not because it wasn't an excellent idea, but because I laughed at the idea that I would have any authority to talk about implementing boundaries. [laughing] I'm somebody who has had to learn a lot about boundaries over the years because I don't feel like it's something I learned a lot about growing up and I'm also a recovering people pleaser. I'm sure a lot of recovering people pleasers can relate to that as well. But boundaries are so vital, I think. I'll probably touch on this again, but they are self-care. They are self-preservation and they allow us to show up as our best selves and be present in our lives.
So, when it comes to COVID, what I think is really important to acknowledge is the fact that even people that are very self-aware and have firm boundaries established, probably had to take a step back and sit with themselves and figure out new boundaries, or how to workshop their current boundaries, considering the landscape of our lives is very different.
And also, it's just completely new. I hate to use the phrase new normal, but I can't imagine any other time of my life where I've had to navigate lockdowns and social distancing, and various other restrictions that we are currently experiencing. Maybe that's a privilege of mine, but I don't know anyone in my life that's lived through a global pandemic that's affected their lives at this scale.
So, I think that it's kind of important to talk a little bit about boundaries and COVID a bit more broadly because it might just be a really interesting conversation to have with yourself and to think about because we're still in this for a bit longer, I think. Of course, I'm very hopeful, and I'm very happy to hear about some promising developments in the vaccine, but I just imagine that we're still going to be in this for a little bit longer. We're not completely out of the woods. So, I'll start by talking about implementing boundaries.
The first point I wanted to talk about is the idea that it's important to first establish your own boundaries, independent of others by becoming increasingly aware of yourself and educating yourself on COVID-19. I acknowledge that there's value in having conversations with people you love and trust about COVID-19 and practices that work well for them. But risk tolerances are ultimately going to vary from person to person because comfort levels will greatly vary depending on personal circumstances.
You have people that are going into work at a physical location or office, as opposed to working from home. Some people have to travel via public transit as opposed to having access to a car. There are folks that are immunocompromised or live with people that are immunocompromised. These are just some of the circumstances and considerations that you may consider in your own life and that may be different than your loved ones or the people around you.
And sometimes it's not even just about your practical circumstances, but it's also just about the way you feel. There are some people that are nervous to go and meet people in social situations, even on patios or with masks, because they just don't feel comfortable or safe and I just want to say that if you don't feel that you want to take any additional risk than the risk that you're taking in exposure of mandatory tasks, like going to get groceries or medication, or certain errands that are vital to your wellbeing, that is valid. And you know, you may see other people that are maintaining certain bubbles or are meeting people in safe ways or responsible ways and if that still doesn't seem like something that you feel you want to do, it's okay to go by what you feel.
And I think it's also important to consider your local area and the way that the virus is currently impacting your city or your immediate neighborhood. Because for example, Toronto right now is in a red zone. So, I don't want to really go out and meet people right now. Maybe when the cases are a little less I'll feel more comfortable, but you know, my personal comfort level and boundaries greatly depend on what my city is looking like right now and what my immediate surrounding was because I didn't have the same amount of restrictions and limitations when I lived in BC, but I think it's also important to consider, again, your immediate area, because maybe you have people in your life that live elsewhere, that their cases or their restrictions look a lot different. So, what you're going to be comfortable with is a lot different than what they're comfortable with.
And that also means that it's important to allow yourself to have fluid boundaries and a working understanding of what works best for you because as your life changes and as the restrictions change in your area, it will be important to have ongoing conversations with yourself on what's working, what's not working, and what makes sense.
Which is now when I'm going to bring up the educating yourself on COVID-19 piece. I don't mean to say that you should doomscroll and oversaturate yourself with information on COVID-19 because that is a spiral that I have been down and is not comfy [laughter] and is not fun. But I do think it's important to have an ongoing understanding and keeping yourself current on the virus because there is research being done all the time and health officials put out new information on social distancing, on the effectiveness of masks, on ways you can keep yourself safe and protected. We know so much more about this virus now than we ever did at the beginning. Like so many people were under the understanding at the very beginning of the pandemic that this was just a flu. That, you know, it only affected a certain demographic, and we are ways away from that, right? So, I think that keeping yourself educated on COVID-19 is also important when you're considering your boundaries because maybe new information or new practices that are being advised by health professionals are going to be practices that you are going to implement in your life and that'll be important to you.
So, the second point I wanted to bring up, and the next step when it comes to boundaries and COVID-19, is communicating them clearly and knowing that it's okay if others aren't happy with your boundaries. So ultimately when it comes to risk tolerances, and like I spoke about the fact that everybody's going to have varying risk tolerances and comfort levels, there's going to be instances where you're going to have conflicting risk tolerances. And conflicting risk tolerances and boundaries can cause tensions in friendships and relationships because not everyone is going to understand or agree with your practices and what you're comfortable with.
Because again, maybe their circumstances are different or what they are currently doing is different and they want to see you. They want to do things. They want to stay connected with you. But you want to be safe or maybe you want to be a bit more precautious, I should say because there are safe ways of remaining connected and of seeing other people. And I just want you to remember that boundaries are about communicating our limitations and keeping ourselves safe and healthy and are ultimately about self-preservation. And when we ignore or evade boundaries it affects our ability to take care of ourselves and can be self-destructive quite frankly.
So, it's okay if other people aren't happy with you. It's okay if maybe you have some friction in your relationships right now because you know what? Everyone's going through it. Like this is such a difficult time and we're all coping with it in different ways. And I think that if you're putting yourself in the center and you're reminding yourself that what you're doing isn't personal to the people in your life, you're just trying to keep yourself safe and at peace personally, it's okay if things aren't the best in your friendships and in your relationships and if people don't understand.
Because in order for you to show up as your best self, your most present self, to the people that you love, you need to take care of yourself, and taking care of yourself involves respecting your own boundaries and respecting how you feel and what your gut is telling you. Because I think like the people that love you the most are going to be understanding and are going to be willing to collaborate on ways that you can remain connected and involved in each other's lives.
Which brings me to my next point, actually, which is once you've figured out your boundaries, you've established them. You've communicated them. That's when the magic happens. And that's when you can think about ways that you can interact with people socially that are going to be fun and comfortable for both yourself and your loved ones.
I think that there are so many ways now that we can connect virtually and have it be a great time. I have a list here of virtual hangout ideas. The first one being Bob Ross paint nights over Zoom or an equivalent video chat service. Like how much fun would that be? You know, you're on your video chat, with maybe another person or a group of people, and you queue up the same episode of Bob Ross. And you get to paint, but from your respective homes and show all the different paintings.
You can also have a Netflix party. I believe it's called Teleparty now, but it's a service where it allows you to queue up an episode or a movie and have it be in sync between yourself and the other party or parties watching it. Which is really convenient because I remember many years ago that wasn't the case and you had to try your best to play it so it was at the same time. And that was a skill, not one that I believe I mastered, but people I know did.
You can do a karaoke night over video chat. I haven't seen that yet. Maybe it's happened and I just haven't seen it, but I think that would be so funny and so much fun.
You could do a PowerPoint party. This I've seen, I've seen a lot of people do this. And if you don't know what it is, it's a party, and you can do this virtually over video chat, where you create a PowerPoint presentation on absolutely anything. Anything. Like, for example, your friends as different cartoon characters and why. Or I think I saw one, maybe it was on TikTok, where someone did a PowerPoint presentation on eight different, or I dunno, I don't remember the number, but it was a certain amount of instances where Pete Davidson was at his hottest and it was just these pictures of Pete Davidson. It was very funny [laughter]. Anyway, the sky's the limit. You can do whatever you want and it can be really creative and really funny. And I think the slides can be as minimal or as intricate as you want because you can just speak on pictures that are on the slides, but I just, I don't know. Whenever I see a video on the PowerPoint parties, it never ceases to amaze me the kind of things that people can come up with.
The next idea I have on my list is making a meal together over video chat. Um, talk about an amazing date idea! Like here, let me set the scene for you, okay? You're both on video. You have the same recipe. You're cooking the same recipe, and then you get to eat the meal together that you both cooked together, but apart. How cool is that?
I was inspired by Selena + Chef. I don't know if you've watched this show yet. Maybe some of you have, but it's a show that's on HBO, I think? I watched it on Crave, and it's where Selena Gomez made recipes with different well-acclaimed chefs because she wanted to learn how to cook more. And it was really funny, and it was really cute, and it seemed like a great time, especially as someone who wants to learn how to cook more. But I want to do that with other people, I think? Or maybe I'll ultimately do it alone. But I think it’s fun having others that maybe have varying experiences in cooking, maybe that are a bit more skilled in cooking than me, that can keep me in check with my knife skills or just different skills in the kitchen. I don't know, anyway, [Iaughter] I thought it would be fun.
You could do a book club. Or you could create a joint Spotify playlist. I've seen this, I've seen you can do this now. And maybe you have certain people in your life that have similar music tastes, and you can have this growing ongoing playlist where you can add songs as you think of each other. And I think that's a cute way that maybe if you're somebody who's struggling right now and wants to have less social interaction, but you still want to remain connected and let people know that you're thinking of them, I think something like that is nice. Because it's low commitment, but it's still a really sweet way to remind the people that you care about that you're thinking of them. And I think it could just be a fun thing to watch grow.
And besides these ideas and virtual hangouts, when it comes to remaining connected and respecting your boundaries, and respecting other people's boundaries, what I wanted to say to that, in particular, is we really need to be patient with each other right now. We need to have empathy.
Because like I said at the top of the show, I don't know anybody who's experienced navigating a world like this. Navigating lockdowns and a global pandemic. A really scary virus that is very close to us. Like, anyone can get it. Anyone can get it at any time. And there's no way of knowing if somebody is sick, you have people that are asymptomatic. Like this is just really scary for a lot of people. And there are folks that aren't going to always get it right. Or they may be tired right now and unable to be there for you in the ways that you need them to be, or, you know, just won't be in the best space.
And I think we just need to have ongoing conversations with our loved ones, and the people we care about, about where they're at, how they're doing, how we can support each other, and how we can be there for each other and remain connected during this time.
Because I know for me, there've been times where I've really needed to isolate. Where I've been, I’ll admit it, I haven't been the best friend because I couldn't be there for people. Like, I really barely had enough in me to take care of myself because my life was greatly affected by this virus. I lost my home. I was evicted because my landlord sold our place due to COVID-19. I had to figure out how I was going to navigate the rest of the pandemic. Because when I was living in BC, I was living on my own and I had no family in the same province that could potentially take me in if things were really wrong. So, I was very stressed on top of the anxiety I was already experiencing because I have a lot of health anxiety.
My extended point being is, I think that it's just important to be patient with the people that we love and allow the ways that we can remain connected with our loved ones to be fluid and to vary depending on where they're at, how they're feeling, what their bandwidth is like.
Because at the end of this, I know that I am going to hold the people that I love that were patient with me, and that didn't hold it against me when I wasn't at my best and I couldn't be there for them, even closer than the people that allowed for a lot of tension and friction in our friendship because I couldn't be at my best. Like, I think that at the end of all this, I'm going to remember who checked in on me and who really cared about how I was doing as opposed to the people that just couldn't understand that I was having a really difficult time. Or couldn't understand that maybe my boundaries and limitations looked different than theirs because I'm somebody that is being abundantly cautious right now, just due to my own comfort levels around this virus.
So, the key here is communication, ongoing conversations, and putting yourself at the forefront. First tapping into yourself and knowing what your boundaries are, knowing what you are comfortable with and then approaching others, acknowledging the same importance of what their boundaries look like and what they need, and finding a middle ground. Finding something that you can agree upon in order to make sure that everyone's voice in the conversation is being heard and you're both feeling comfy.
So yeah, that's, that's what I have to say about that. If anyone's interested in other episodes pertaining to COVID, I'm happy to talk about this further or to further this conversation if anyone has any questions, Or, Ben, hey again, if you feel like I could have gone into a bit more detail about the connection part.
I'm just really not sure if people are overhearing about COVID-19. I feel like there are so many podcasts and conversations that are happening surrounding COVID and I've enjoyed all of them. I'm actually even currently listening to a podcast where the whole premise of the podcast talks about dating in the context of COVID as the virus changes and limitations change, like restrictions. And it's really interesting, and I still continue to listen to it. But I as always would love to hear your feedback and would love to know what you want to hear.
And lastly, as always, before I go. This is the portion of the episode where I say an affirmation. If you're new here or you've simply forgotten what this is, which is okay, it's the part where I say an affirmation and you can interact with it any way you'd like. You can repeat it after me. You can write it down. You can pause the episode to go say it to yourself in front of a mirror. You can simply hear me say a phrase twice and have it not be a meaningful moment for you. And that is perfectly okay as well. Like I am just happy that you are here with me today and you've decided to spend this moment here.
So, the affirmation that I've chosen centers around gratitude. Gratitude isn't a practice that resonates with everybody, but I find that in moments where I'm feeling a little anxious, or when things are uncertain and maybe feel a little hopeless, I like to turn to gratitude in order to help center me in things that are positive and that can bring back some of that hope.
So here I go, “I am grateful for everything I have, everything I know, and everything I am.” One more time, “I am grateful for everything I have, everything I know, and everything I am.”
And that's it. As always, you can find me on social media @bloomasyougrow on Instagram. I can also be reached at bloomasyougrow@gmail.com. I really love hearing from you and getting feedback. Always happy to be accountable if there's anything that I say that maybe warrants me to acknowledge what I've said. And I also just love getting suggestions like this one that Ben gave me. Maybe I should do a challenge now where you listen to the episode again and you take a shot every time I say Ben's name.
Anyway, I hope you're healing well. And until next time, bye!
I’d love to hear from you!
Want to send in some feedback or a suggestion for a future episode? You can send me an e-mail at bloomasyougrow@gmail.com. You can also come say hi on Instagram @bloomasyougrow.
Leave Me a Voicemail
I would love to pass the mic to listeners who want to share an affirmation that resonates with them. If you’re interested in participating, you can record and send in a voicemail here.
SpeakPipe only allows for 5 minutes of recording, but if you would like to share your name or a bit about what you love most about your affirmation, please feel free to do so! I would love to include that as well!
Subscribe To Bloom as You Grow
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe to Bloom as You Grow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Rate, Review, and Recommend
If you feel moved to do so, please do not hesitate to rate and review Bloom as You Grow on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. It would mean so much to me and would also help others discover the show -- so thank you!